Couple arguing Don’t be seduced and provoked by argumentative peopleHave you ever being in that situation where you try to get a word in edgewise. Whatever you say, no matter how strongly you put it or how nice you try to be, is met with an argument.  Everything you say is received with negativity and resolute denial.  Think of those challenging situations when people always seem to be defiant and uncooperative when you use your best negotiating and diplomatic skills to ask them to do something. These people may say some nasty things to you. They will crown it all by making obscene gestures to you and call you all sorts of names, especially the sort things they know you don’t want to hear just to push you over the limit of your endurance.

At that point there is a rage building up in you, desperate to come out with a spontaneous effect. You want to retaliate in a form physical and/or verbal attack on the person. At that point nothing would make sense to you other than to hit that person and physically kill him. The only thing that is acceptable to you at that point is to avenge yourself if only to show the person you aren’t a walk-over. When you lose your temper against the person, you would have lost your judgment. And before you know it you have over reacted at a time when you should have acted more civilized and cultured.  Having over-reacted you are now faced with the terrible consequences of your failure to control your vengeful anger. You are now suffering the nightmares that come with the fear of not knowing what is going to happen.

You aren’t alone!

If you found yourself in this situation be assured it is not unique to you. Stories abound of people over-reacting to situations, provocations, injury and insults. They sit down later to ponder whether something is wrong with them for reacting the way they did. Of course, you are as normal as anybody else. But you were unwise to react the way you did. One reality you need to be kept at the back of your mind is that there are argumentative and defiant people out of there that derive pleasure from pushing your buttons and provoking your rage. Keep reminding yourself that there are bizarre and crazy fun seekers out there, who will subject you to stressful responses that could be regretted after the smoke and fire have cleared.  It is the nature of the cruel world that we live in.

Perhaps you have come across and admire some people who never lose their cool under any circumstances. These sorts of people are often mistakenly labeled as lay back and incapable of hurting a fly. Do not for one moment believe that these sorts of people do not get hurt by provocations and insults. They aren’t lay back and they can hurt a fly if they deem it necessary to. It is just that they have mastered the act of not letting their anger get the upper hand of them by always remaining in control of the provocative situations.

You can learn the trick too!

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking one has some kind of incurable behavioural problems just because you hadn’t been able to control your anger when provoked. No, that isn’t correct. Also it is incorrect to think that because of your upbringing, past experience of ill-treatment, bulling or any other traumatic experience, therefore nothing you can do to control how you respond to provocations and argumentative people. The act of handling defiant, argumentative and provocative people comes through practice. That is, you need to practice how to diffuse potentially ugly situations by changing your feelings early from negatively reaction to a positive one. There is nothing particularly difficult in learning an act. Sooner or later what used to be an act would become part of you and would come out naturally in you.

Related articles:

  1. Dealing with argumentative people
  2. What if the other person won’t forgive you?

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