By Ramona Richards

The evils of the internet age

One of the lures of Internet pornography lies in the fact you don’t have to go anywhere or spend any money to become seduced by it. More than 70 percent of porn sites offer free images and stories to draw in people. The abundance of sexually related “spam” (unwanted e-mails) also lures many unsuspecting computer users. According to Marnie, easy access is one of the three As of pornography: accessibility, anonymity, and affordability, reflecting research reported by the Sexual Recovery Institute of Los Angeles. That combination makes becoming an addict incredibly easy.

And, since more than 25 million people visit porn sites every week and one out of every ten websites is dedicated to explicit sex, this industry is quite profitable. The mere financial details about online pornography are overwhelming. Seventy-four percent of all revenue collected online comes from porn sites, which amounts to almost $1.2 billion annually. Thirty-one percent of all online users have visited porn sites, and 60 percent of all website visits are sexual in nature.

Beth, a former missionary and one of Marnie’s clients, knows about this firsthand. “I would spend literally hours on the computer surfing for porn. At one point, I spent three to five hours daily. I neglected the very thing I longed for: relational intimacy with my friends.”

Rose neglected her housework, even her children. Julie neglected her husband and her home, often spending all day on the computer. Donna says it was her spiritual life that suffered the most: “When you’re not doing it, you’re thinking about it. Pornography crowds out God and everything else.”

Lacey agrees. “The thought of reading porn, or alternatively, the condemnation I felt once I’d fallen into sin, took a lot of time. I would go to church and think about how I didn’t deserve to be there.”

“It’s an insidious industry,” Donna says. “I hate it. And I hate that I kept going back.”

Most women addicted to pornography struggle to understand themselves and why they have a compulsion they can’t ignore. They long for help, yet they hesitate to seek it because they feel ashamed and alone.

“No one plans to get hooked on this,” Donna says. “I thought this would be an answer to my loneliness, but it only made it worse. I was so ashamed of what I was doing that I isolated myself.”

“I always felt condemned,” says Lacey. “I felt like an insect—scared of coming into the light—and I wanted to stay in the shadows as much as possible.” Julie also felt “very removed from church and my girlfriends. I felt like I wasn’t human. Like I was the only one dealing with this.”

Beth agrees. “I thought no other women struggled with this addiction. By feeling all alone, I lost hope.” Rose is even more blunt. “I thought the Lord never would forgive me.”

The road to hope and healing

The first step toward healing for an addict is to realize she’s not alone. She needs to know there are people out there who understand and can reach out to her in love.

“Women addicted to porn need professional therapy with a Christian counselor and a renewed sense of kinship with other women who understand,” says Marnie. “The worst thing you can do with these women is lecture them about praying more or asking God for help. They’ve already done that, often to the point of despair. They do need to be held accountable for their sins, but they also need help, support, and unconditional love.”

The first few people Donna turned to for help told her all she had to do was get rid of her computer. “That’s nonsense,” she explains. “I use my home computer every day for my business. That wouldn’t stop my addiction, only one way to access it.”

Lacey also sought help many times, with similar results: “I’d told friends and pastors, but I discovered that many people who should be able to help aren’t completely equipped to deal with a woman’s addiction to porn.” She finally found assistance in the same place she’d found her addiction: the Internet. “Setting Captives Free helped me the most,” she says, referring to the Internet-based ministry that offers a free 60-day interactive online course—available to individuals and churches—for people trapped in sexual addiction. “The journey to recovery isn’t easy. Am I ‘there’ yet? No. Breaking this cycle is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

Rose also found help on the Internet from Pure Life Ministries, which provides numerous resources, including guided studies with qualified counselors and curriculum to be completed at home, to help sexual addicts. Beth and Donna eventually turned to a Christian counselor to assist in their recovery process. Julie sought help from her husband, then gave up her computer for a while and still limits her use.

Donna Rice Hughes, president of Enough Is Enough, a nonprofit organization dedicated to exposing the ills of Internet porn and to making the Internet safe for families, says a program isn’t enough. “I don’t believe true healing can happen without the power of Jesus’ blood,” she says. “Many people in the church struggle because while they’ve changed their behavior, the images from pornography exposure still are there. Christ has to renew their minds.”

Donna also strongly recommends Internet filtering tools, as well as getting an accountability partner who can check the monitoring feature most of these programs offer. “God calls us to understand our culture and the temptations we face, and warns us to guard our hearts and minds. We can’t just ask him to protect us and not take practical steps. We have to do everything we know how to do, then pray for spiritual protection, because in many ways this is a spiritual battle.”

As Donna worked with a trained therapist to overcome her addiction, she also found help in reading the Bible and journaling. There’s a verse in Corinthians that hit home for her: “We must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever” (, MSG). “I love that verse,” she says. “I’m making it my life’s theme.”

Beth, who underwent counseling with Marnie Ferree, knows healing is a matter of taking small steps. And someday she hopes to use her experiences to help others.

“God’s calling me to take steps of faith out of hiding and shame,” Beth says. “The truth is, many people, well-meaning Christians especially, aren’t aware of how prevalent this struggle has become among women. But there are those who understand.” As well as a God who freely offers his healing and hope.